There is an incredible moment in life when you suddenly feel like things are finally within your control. Interestingly, reaching this point often happens unintentionally, sometimes even by accident.
This moment is the realization that you can genuinely learn from your mistakes. Once you grasp that every experience—every mistake—is an opportunity to learn, grow, and evolve, your entire outlook changes. Unfortunately, people reach this realization at different stages of their lives.
Reflecting on the Past
I’m 36 years old now, and as I reflect on my life, I can vividly remember countless instances when I acted ridiculously, foolishly, or embarrassingly. I wore questionable clothes, said regrettable things, and made mistakes. While these are indeed part of life’s natural course, what’s fascinating is how blind we often are to our errors in the moment. It’s only in retrospect, looking through the rear-view mirror of life, that we realize how many opportunities we missed to refine ourselves and become better.
In those past moments, I wasn’t mentally aware or wise enough to recognize the pivotal nature of those experiences. Instead of adjusting or growing from these situations, I foolishly repeated many mistakes and became someone I didn’t truly want to be. It’s a harsh reality, but one that I fully acknowledge now.
Embracing New Awareness
Today, at 36, I see clearly the power I hold in every situation. This newfound awareness has dramatically changed how I live, move, think, and interact with others. It has given me a genuine sense of control. Previously, if I was in a meeting and heard something disagreeable, I’d jump to argue, eager to win—even if it meant embarrassing myself or others. But now, I listen carefully. I look for cues that help me understand and reason, which is a remarkable shift from my younger self.
Perhaps the most profound revelation is that the more you stop trying to control everything, the more control you actually gain. This insight has always been there, patiently waiting for me to notice. The timing of this discovery, however, can often feel tragically delayed.
Learning to Move Forward
While I have regrets about missed opportunities for growth, what’s crucial isn’t dwelling on past mistakes but applying the wisdom gained to future situations. Now, I approach every encounter as an opportunity for learning and growth. Each experience offers takeaways and actionable insights that I can use to become better.
Psychologists might call this “healing your inner child,” and I believe there’s truth in that. Many of us carry childhood mentalities and behaviors into adulthood. We’re adults physically but remain children emotionally and mentally, responding defensively or selfishly based on past experiences. This immature mindset prevents genuine growth and humility.
The Shift from Childhood to Adulthood
As teenagers or children, we often become defensive about our identities, rarely allowing ourselves to be humbled or corrected. While it’s natural for young people to be guided or even told who to be, adulthood demands a shift from defensiveness to openness. You should approach situations not to control but to understand them deeply, seeking the lessons and opportunities for growth within them.
A Mindset of Continuous Growth
Ultimately, this mental shift—choosing openness, embracing mistakes as learning moments, and actively avoiding repetitive traps—is the cornerstone of true growth. It’s a challenging yet rewarding mindset, one that I’m grateful to have finally embraced.
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